he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
