Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
