I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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