I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
