Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
