she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
