"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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