If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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