so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
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I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
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he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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