i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children