His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?