R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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