i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers