in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
