Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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