Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize