I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
