i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
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the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
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I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize