I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
