I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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