I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
