Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
