I am in a vortex of obligation.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
