his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
