They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
