I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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