Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
