My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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