you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
