Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
