the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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