Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
