We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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