dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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