I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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