Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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