why didn't you poke me back
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
