My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
