Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
