Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
