So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
