I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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