You're completely useless in the revolution.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
