i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
