i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
