i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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