guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
