I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
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My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
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Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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