you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize