yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
