Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
