How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
