my being single is dangerous.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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