Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Everything about him screamed your future.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
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