Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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