May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
