So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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