How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
