I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
