so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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