Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
