the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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