why didn't you poke me back
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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