I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
