We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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