Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
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I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
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I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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