She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
