Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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